Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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