i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
