dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
