I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize