i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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