I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize