I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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