Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize