She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We got so high we made milksteak
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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