i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
