I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
