ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize