4 words: hood of his car
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
