sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
