...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize