you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
