In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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