He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
