Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
