Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
barbara walters just said penis...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize