when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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