I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
