So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
