these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
