I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
