She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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