Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
