did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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