Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
