the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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