just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
