I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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