3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
