The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
