The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
