she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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