I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
