My first STD was from a foam party
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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