Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
