First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize