She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
