I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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