Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
