you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
