we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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