Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wat bout pragnant strippers??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
