Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's always time for handjobs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
