I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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