oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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