I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
