You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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