Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
