I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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