i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
