You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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