I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
