there's paper in my vomit.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
