Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
