I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
