I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize