She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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