don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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