the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
