I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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