All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
