I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
soo... how was my night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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