____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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