well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
