I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
