I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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