It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone came in the potted fern
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
