Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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