the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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