I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
