you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
