How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
