If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
