she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
