My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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