Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
