I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
