I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize