he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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