my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
