I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
