Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
