Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
