Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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