just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
