just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize