you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
