I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
