it wasn't lemon gatorade
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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