I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
