Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just invented taco cereal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
