Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will be naked everywhere
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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