And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
