guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They are going to name an STD after you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
