How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The air was thick with penises
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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