I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
