Whod you bang
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
