In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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