you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was like eating out sand paper
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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