She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize